I defended my Ph.D. thesis in August 2013.
This is my story.
After almost 1.5 hours defending my thesis in front of two professors, I passed with minor corrections. Alhamdulillah. But within the next 3 months, a lot of things can happen and affect this result. Therefore, it is crucial for me to not mess things up within this period.
Unfortunately, I’ve already done it since day 1, starting with I made the decision to change our accommodation that cost us more money than it should. I booked the cheapest room in a hotel located at Westminster-the center of tourist attractions in London, but the room was so small for the three of us. Luckily I did book a room for myself at a place where I used to live, but it is quite a distance from the hotel. My guests prefer if I can be close to them at all times, but at the same time, I cannot let them feel uncomfortable by sharing a small bedroom with two other persons.
On day 2, I did manage to pull some strings to get the student’s price on one other room at the same apartment where I rent that is far more comfortable than the room in the hotel, and in fact closer to IC. But I guess it didn’t at all counted, it only shows my weaknesses when planning things.
Day 3-Today, after the viva, I dragged Prof M and my sister for only a meal at the Malaysian canteen. This plan requires us to walk quite a distance from the tube station unfortunately, it was close when we arrived. This happened after we went on a boat cruise from Westminster to Greenwich. Prof M prefers that we take the bus from Greenwich to Westminster, but I thought that it’ll take more time to compare to the time we return with the same boat, in consideration also that I am not familiar with the bus’s route, especially from Greenwich. Hence, we agreed to go on with my plan-stayed on the same boat to go back to Westminster.
When we arrived at Westminster, Prof M requested for us to take the bus to go home, I did follow the signs to the station bus but at last, none was found. They have to climb many steps-up and down due to this and it’s all my fault. Poor Prof.M, she can’t stand the long walk anymore, she nearly collapses, and it’s all my fault. I didn’t do my homework-to plan wisely, to check whether the canteen is open, to check the correct tube line and etc.
To be honest, I didn’t read my thesis at all when I entered my viva session. One of the reasons is I was having a very bad flu. I lost appetite for all foods. Prof M said it was an anxiety disorder. But I reckon not, the flu was due to my hectic days within the last 2 weeks since I’m home from London. It was really hectic and I didn’t rest well. I cleaned my parents’ house for the Eid celebration soon after a very long journey from London. When I arrived at my parents’ house, I found that my car has been broken irresponsibly which cost me up to RM1200. I need to have my car ready before Eid because I need to have myself registered at UTHM after Eid, and for this, I stayed up at the car service center until late at night.
Even the first day of Eid was not at all celebrated because I was busy arranging plans for the three of us to London. I celebrated the first night of Eid in a cyber cafe while looking for cheap flights and hotels to book. After everything has settled, on the third day of Eid, I drove 5 hours from my parents’ house to BP to clean up the house that I’ll be staying in BP. The house is dirty due to 4 years of abandonment, without water supply and electricity.
After 2 days of cleaning the house, I took a bus from BP to KL and arrived at my sister’s house in mid-afternoon. I have to print the whole thesis because Prof M did not receive the hardcopy of my thesis yet from IC, so I went to UPM and took like 2-3 hours printing those up with my sister. Later on the same night, we visited Prof M at her house. I settled for the day at 2 am, after checked in for tomorrow’s flight and bought tickets to fly home. And the next morning, as early as 5 am, I woke up and took a taxi to KLIA with my sister, and off we went to London.
During the 13 hours flight, my body can’t stand it anymore, I shivered quite heavily under the air conditioning, my face was burning and my eyes were reddish. This is actually the second time I experienced this in 2 days. I took pills to calm the fever down and luckily it came down when we arrived in London.
When we arrived in London, the stress level has gone a notch up because everybody was tired. And at this moment, I felt that success was not mine.
The path at nearly the end of my Ph.D. journey was so full of thorns and seemed very dark. I hope I’ll find the end of the tunnel soon so that I can go to a place that is bright and full of happiness.
Norpadzlihatun Manap
16 August 2013
* 23/11/2020 – I’ve graduated, but I haven’t got to a place that is bright and full of happiness yet. The road is long but I learned that it is never about the destination, but the journey that truly counts.
